Weaponised souls

I haven’t resided in rad. spaces for long (3 years); but sooner or later, u must ask yourself this:

What do we doo?? Once it becomes obvious that Dood-World is careening off a cliff and we’re quite literally frying in hell & it’s all unstoppable…


What now?

Well, it seems like our own bodies’ve already decided for us: & they’re shutting the source of the whole shebang down: reproduction,  specifically. of boys


U might’ve also noticed all the fertility tech having become about as commonplace as  toaster:

Well, this is because the current cohort of child-bearing ladies’re rather unfit for child-bearing, notably because of 2 major diseases: PCOS + Endometriosis. Together they account for 20%+ of the population.  PCOS has an infertility rate of 70%;_ Endo – 50%

Female humans’re also wisening up quick in spite of the Mummy propaganda going into overdrive, for 1/4  now chooses child-riddance (just had to play on it! lol). In my own circle of five 30 -somethings, Not 1 ‘s reproduced.

Among those unlucky enough to remain fertile: pregnancy grinds their bodies & minds down  to a pulp. While always inhumanly difficult, it has now become a slow suicide mission, with 54% of millenials diagnosed with a chronic illness + many more suffering in a sub-clinical stage, no doubt;

-men’re useless as ever

_ kids’re even more exponentially ill ( no, they’re not ‘just allergies’!)


Clearly , everything in this wacky pyramid Starts. and Ends. with us & our hijacked wombs.







How the Soviets never stopped worrying & didn’t learnt to love the bomb. part II – the reveal

What’s unusual about this loving care doled on peoples of the USSR:

The change of tune…


You see, for the 1st half of the regime – it wasn’t quite so caring. What took place before 1953,~made Nazis look like meek school bullies. The atmosphere was rather…..mass-murder-y.

 Dozens of millions were artificially starved to  death;

worked into the grave in labour camps;

sent out to be tortured & frozen in Siberia

slaughtered in the wars

lived in terror during Stalinist purges ( can’t be good for ur health to constantly wait in trepidation ~ if u’re next to be taken away in the night, & wiped from photos& proclaimed the Enemy of the People]


And then, voila!, here comes the Sun! the age of Benevolence!

≅So what happened in 1953  – to make this wondrous change occur?

Continue reading “How the Soviets never stopped worrying & didn’t learnt to love the bomb. part II – the reveal”

How the Soviets never stopped worrying & didn’t learnt to love the bomb. part I

I was  born behind the Iron Curtain just before it fell down. Which meant that I grew up in the ruins of a rather curious medical situation

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I was utterly perplexed why on Earth the powers-that-be in the USSR were so  obsessed  with the health of their citizens. – on a level that’d give Chris Traegar { * Parks & Rec} a run for his wallet.


When i was 3-5, i had the fortune of catching the last glimpse of the lavish convalescent system that Communist govt set up:    We went to a magical therapeutic place in the Caucasus mountains..  It was a Mineral Water resort. Yes, u heard right:

A whole  place where people simply set around drinking mineral water springing our the ground . Or they drank for a bit, & went on picturesque mountain walks  to places like The Temple of Airs: a ruin which had winds from every direction hitting with unearthly, gentle energy. It was like a glimpse of being in heaven

Sounds amazing, right? Well, it was actually nothing out of reach to ur average Soviet citizen with a minor gut ailment> in which case they could get significant time off work (we’re talking months here) ..to go off & guzzle min. water…for free….

And the water was magic: _ it was the only thing that made develop a sense of hunger with my twisted gall bladder. I think the clean mountain air helped too.

but wait! there’s more!

When my Mamma ( in her 20s) encountered a concussion  – they didn’t scan her head & send her off to rest.


Wanna guess what they did?

She was placed on bed rest in a convalescent hospital, where she was spoon-fed without lifting her head for. 1 . month.

I kid u not here , dear readers.  and this wasn’t the only time where such spurious medical care was heaped on her. For she went on to display heart arythmia. At which point she was also given significant time off  from her studies, in order to do daily , specially tailored exercise + moral support..> to get thru the exercise. This treatment worked such wonders, that she never had any heart problem again.

When I was a wee kiddie in the 90s in this post Soviet space> there were no Dr waits. >U simply walked into a clinic , went in search of the specialist ( there were no GPs) > they’d see u right away,,,for as long as u needed.,,,for free ( and almost all Drs were women!)

On the way there we walked past a hydro-therapy center. A decade ago , Russia still had the highest proportion of med. professionals per head of pop.  in the world. And they were still women


Every (post) Soviet – was hyper-aware of her  health @ all times.they pulled out thermometer anytime someone coughed, were panicky about droughts; but did insist on fresh air; treated basic colds as very serious business requiring herbal inhalation ; knew the lethal level of temp etc.etc. They also considered  medical textbooks to be light bedtime reading & even had a joke about those who read them soo much that they found every symptom in themselves!!;/)

U know that bizarre Russian custom of drinking vodka+jumping in an ice hole?it’s actually an extreme version of physio technique, where u gradually take colder showers over some time, to improve blood circulation. People jumping in those holes have trained for a long period via showering.

This medical_herbal_physio web extended a tentacle into every area of life:

#Kids were sent off on theraupetic sporting camps

#people undertook tai-chi -type morning exercises in their apartment block yards, or did them individually ( there was a monkey bar in our flat)                                                                  #girls got excused from PE on their period, and were told not to overextend themselves. Weirder still> this was NOT done in a sexist manner

#if u couldn’t make it to a clinic> Drs did home visits. They too – were all female & rather sympathetic & not paternalistic.

#Patients were not treated as dummies & told that things were “in their head”. In fact , the role of the Dr was only to advise.  Their authority wasn’t even req. to acquire most meds> chemists provided them over the counter.

#Surgery didn’t have Western -length waiting lists. In fact, I ‘m not certain that i had any.

#Invasive medicine was treated as the last resort.  Most of the focus was on preventative, gently theraupetic kind, non-chemical kind; and folksy meds was taken seriously. Remarkably – there was a Wise Woman in my town – the kind the witchhunts took care of in the west a long, long time ago,

#There was an acute focus on Gut: 1stly: – with diet , which blended seamlessly with Eastern Euro staples, eg. Kvas + fermented kraut + kefir.

2ndly: with enemas, tea + aforementioned spring- water sanitariums, where u could get to go every year with a chronic ailment.

#People were given tiny plots of country land- to grow their own produce.

There was a tonne of other physio practices: mudbaths, drinking with food, hypnosis.


At 1 point the govt got so gutsy>> that they dared to PROHIBIT ALCOHOL!!! in Russia!!!!

This was in the 80s, aaaaaaaaand it went just about as well as it did in the Prohibition…..> so it was quickly terminated














dead to me

*bear with me, dear readers; for if i don’t get the draft version of this post out > it’ll be the end of me. Seriously: I’m DONE agonising over it.

I’ll further fill it it out with the art references. but so far, simply tell me:

AM i carrying a point across as to ^why all sexuality _ is a negative force?^


My ideological pet peeve is thus:






In the middle of writing this – I came to a nuclear realisation :

chi  = is not hoodoo-woodoo hippie BS. We really must be balanced to be content!

All these overwhelming, needy cravings that we develop ( for erotics; touch; grand unconditional love as solving everything; consumerism) are there…..

because this mental world makes us unbalanced, feeling like shit & therefore craving too much of just 1 puzzle piece, when  feeling good only works when the puzzle pieces fit together!!!!!!

This is where addiction comes from !^^^^^^^^^^^^^Whoa!! slapping myself on head here………………………………!


…..which leads me onto this craving~ because i’m just so impossibly tired of people not seeing thru  why    getting ur jollies   is elevated stupidly high &in a complete undeserved way to serve men’s purpose. I’m puritannically & emphatically over  (what I term) vulvae-gazing; .. going on in ALL fractions of Womens’ LiB.

Sex, without exception, is at the core of all our oppression_down to genetic level. The 2nd Wave became split (by male manipulation )along the false line of Sex = Loyalty=Life Satisfaction. When in reality: female ‘sexuality’ varies only along the spectrum of its’ evolved adaptation to rape <<stemming back to our ape ancestors’ + response to Pavlovian conditioning. Femonade was dead on about this:


“Women need to be liberated FROM sex – not BY it”









Alas: Males handed down the diktat – that it is not to BE.

Notice how there’re no parades for Spinsters? No same-sex platonic marriage? Sex-less sensuality?? No coming-out ceremony for being an anti-natalist-man-hater-hell_bent on female solidarity_ affection_and_ destruction_of nuclear_family (aka Prude)???

#Asexuality only became *grudgingly* accepted about 3 mins ago. There’s all of 1(!) recorded case of female friends as co-parents, – in Britain



I really dig this stance:


But NOT the author’s racial stance^


And here’s a fine piece of body horror:

For i sincerely don’t believe  sexuality  to be a positive force. Ain’t nothing but a bunch of reproductive hormones  holding us hostage – on a male-bred schedule. There is a reason why they used to be called base urges

And they definitely are that – because they operate while we’re fertile , and sometimes spike up in 2nd trimester. For the vast duration of female-kind’s existence we weren’t horny @ all – as we were perpetually knocked up , or breast-feeding. Many of our kind still are. Childbirth destroys whichever nerve endings we ever possess internally & can produce external damage too. In some mothers, libido switches off entirely after reproducing __ as it’s now fulfilled it’s purpose.

Personally : I detest existing a highly sexed being. I get hit by these dreaded hormones twice in my cycle * like clockwork* and inevitably end up doing, reading  & watching things I don’t want to be doing, reading  & watching !

They waste my time; they waste my energy; they waste my $, exec. function, icky factor +nerves I can ill -afford this in my state, but they were still a problem when I was healthier.

I’ve led a life skirting asexuality, so that’s avoided a solid 97.7 % of the harm doled out on our brethren via Sexy Sex, i reckon. But the rest’s been bad enough.

Because all that partnered genital contact – gap’s been filled by :

wondering why on earth i can’t climax like a normal woman (mechanics’re there , explosive pleasure – not so much…))





formerly continuously performing a taboo I won’t confess to on _ on my grave ( it didn’t harm anyone..)

being pushed into limited male contact_ i absolutely hated @ some point

figuring out what the hell am sexually (cause aspies have funny sexualities, apparently _ hetero programmin’ never clicked}


inducing irritation, soreness & minor bleeding ( enough to freak me out]

social embarassment over not fulfilling my role as a prodding hole for males & the modesty trap

& last, but not least,

reading some terrible writing!….L-)

acquiring perverse & useless devices

body OCD & femmy self-punishment over having it + resentment

acute anxiety

longing jealousy for all those lucky sex-getters

lowering of standards

feeling like a male-possession overtakes me during PMS hormonal flood

feeling crappy about the whole shebang chemically + mentally

experiencing hormonal coersion : like i’m dragged by the collar & have to let it out to go back to being ME

male celebrity obsessions  <before I slayed the het dragon


chasing down the Philosopher’s Stone of stimulating, non-misogynistic material

^^^^All this I was ought to do< if i simply wanted to sleep & get on with life!!!!


overall, i derived only 2 positive effects from my sex maniac-hormonal make-up:

1)Release warmed my feet & let out intolerable anxiety produced by illness

2)Fantasy served as a distraction during cancer treatment

^^^^^This is exactly my point. That u must be in a state of intolerable discomfort   to undertake such strange activity (involving bits that pass excrement & are awfully sensitive for frequent fiddling)


In the middle of all this I had a blissfull couple of months, when an anti-depressant made me sexless. Freaking wonderful > I tell ya’…

The 1 time I experienced overwhelming desire> it scared me. It was like being drunk & I  really don’t like that feeling.  It was equal parts [pleasurable thrill + cold sweat thrill]^ It also felt sorta cannibalistic …like i wanted to consume the object. Clearly I’m not the only one ~ as vampirism = sexual metaphor. After all : being in heat isn’t a pleasant experience for female animals (think about pleasure resulting from drives contextually. Meaning: that questionable high only exists to let out the tension of the drive}

The reason it felt so intense < stems from us – females living in a fishbowl of pleasure & passion -deprivation + aforementioned unbalance

We live in a world of males sucking JOy & wonder out of everything _ like Dementors. WE’re also badly Stockholmed & prone to eroticising attention from our captor. I sincerely don’t know that what I crave IS eros, and not a desperate feeling of  wanting to feel alive in SOME form.


I’ll now come to the dreaded task of slaying the sacred cow:

of taking males out of the equation….

Well, it’s certainly a least worst option. If sexuality absolutely must exist> we should all be in merry sacred cow congress – either with ourselves or other females.

But MUST it exist? Is it worth it? In it’s absolute best form, it still swallows up sensuality with croc jaws & doesn’t allow the non-sexual form to exist;

it still follows a pattern of hormonal drugging ( the honeymoon stage is all about getting u knocked up quickly > to escape extra male rapey violence in estrus; & those hormones still perform their programming between women -by default)

it irritates genitalia

& most bitterly & heart-breakingly of all …

…it divides us Like. Crazy. I wanna weep everytime the non|Sapphic divide comes up & determines our whole lives & our feminism in separate camps. I wanna scream: “They’re just genitals with rich nerve endings, people! Rub them like a genie lamp & get on with life & our liberation! Or just get on anti-depressants for the sexless affect ( those things’re useless for everything else)”

For as long as this sorry mess continues:

!) The bulk of women & girls shall remain in the state of acute touch & affection deprivation from each other  – since it’s all been deemed erotic in recent times


“Being someone who thinks heterosexuality in women is a sign of insanity in patrirachy, the whole thing is a sad commentary on women’s servitude to PIV.

^ this is a comment by Sheila G from Femonade.


Whistle as u read, and Take a thought experiment with me:

***what IF we accorded the same social importance to….

toileting? I mean: there are some pleasurable poos out there,…



I’ve wondered in my previous post# as to where the line lies? At what point does  sensual become  sexual?

Well, it’s the hormones that determine that. Whatever stimulation u give to urself in the middle of a hormonal peak = ‘ll just feel like fun massage outside of it. That’s exactly what going solo felt like to me as a child. It had zero sexual context because the hormones weren’t present.  in fact: i don’t remember how i discovered it. but it’s highly likely that stress +chronic illness led to it.

We’ve been indoctrinated into the male experience of it because males’re always hormonal. They don’t fluctuate like we do. They don’t switch off @ menopause. This is why PIv’s redundant & painful after menopause – no hormones to drive the mating\rape adaptation response. +sexual urges overall

Lubrication is 100% rape adaptive: It happens to save ur internal organs @ inevitable forced mating. Arousal > produces lubrication. ALso – ever noticed that fear feels an  awful lot like  arousal?  Both start in the pit of ur stomach. Both’re terrifically stressful. In fact, the rollercoaster analogy applies to both aptly: “Terror> swearing u;ll never do it again> flood of feel-good hormones> yay, I’ll go again!> unpleasant come-down ”


Unfinished art references

Onegin: “End this torment.

Dead to Me: Go watch this show. It’s the gift I never dreamt Netflix shall deliver & wrap – a platonic female life-partnership|love plot, which follows traditional romance lines, but never, Ever (!!) veers into a smidgeon of sex.

_I also deem that 1-on -1 partnerships’re very much designed to be claustrophobic ^# which the series does address.

yellow dead end sign during day time
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com


CRE wrote about men deliberately making XX-possessors sick enough to ‘want’ males. <https://cannabisrefugeeesq.wordpress.com/

…but it’s a tricky balance ; ‘ cos we can’t be made too sick.  when you’re as incapacitated ( for performing MANdated life tasks) as i’ve been for most of my existence & hence autistic , something really bonzer happens:

{still working on this…










Womens’ art & womens’souls

In my other unfinished post on the subject, I never found the wordst to describe a female artistic spirit. So i’ll just let u experience it for urselves. This is the finest song of the most creative indie artist there is.: Her name’s Regina Spektor & her output is the closest i’ve seen to what womyn could produce (if only we were free). Both lyrically & musically – she’s one of a kind. Sing along to it with heart  – the song ‘ll pick u up & whirl u like a dervish. And u’ll feel release after.

As a piano kid, I grew up listening to classical music constantly, and yet —– i’m not a fan of it.!.! It was complex- yes, and far more passionate than any pop song. But Still – – it LACKED something.; I only now realise that what it lacked – is LIFE, because it was all written by men.Regina’s song above Oozes with life. /\It drips over the cone of musical format like an ice-cream.

“The curious case of Amy-Sherman Palladino”

^ A thoroughly unfeminist, but so patently Female-creative a TV show-runner. She produced 2 run-away hits :

*the current Amazon darling ‘Marvellous Mrs. Maisel’


everyone’s favourite teen pregnancy fantasy  *Gilmore girls

Her work has this …..quirk [as malestream’d call it], or playfullness & appreciation of life’s minutia as interesting in itself. It’s also theatrical – but not static/ Mrs. Maisel executes an impossible, high-wire act of a tone, which no man could ever pull off. The only 1 half-way success was Desperate Housewives.

There’s a scene in ‘Mrs.’ ;,

where she tags along to a art show with her bf and wanders off into a small room behind the grand wankery of male-worship display (aKa Modern Art]. There she sees an indifferent, accented lady knitting & having her own small canvases displayed. The artist sells her 1 painting for a fraction of the big, soul-less mens’ ones being fawned over, and makes no fuss over it. Mrs. explains her purchase as:

“There was LiFe in this drab room. There was none in the main shiny exhibition’

^this here is the reason why classical music feels meh”’. It’s a well-crafted result of men’s approach to old-school art:

#Study the technique; add up the pieces; P lay it like a clock mechanism.


It comes out Sounding like a grandfather clock – chimes complex pattern, but it simply doesn’t FLOW. These days they dont’ bother with the craftsmanship > so it ends up more like vacuum cleaner noise.

Frida Kahlo


^^^the only known (to me) celebrated artwork depicting the bloodbath thanks to which we’re all ALIVE!..! All her work is visceral & riveting. It takes mens’ post-modern style &~ infuses it life,death, blood & realistic pain.

Crazy Ex-gf

i dare u to find another TV series like it. U wouldn’t think that a comedy musical is much of a break-thru, but both it’s protagonist & the style have a spontaneity, gaiety, merriment that a woman’s light hand produces, when that woman is given some room to breathe.

It. FloWS… ~~

Cultures = male BS rules

‘Nugh said.

We females do not create such static rituals & timetables, where a certain activity must be performed the same way every year


5 times a day


written down in a big fat book, by some stupid, stupid man & adhered to for the next millenia + 1/2.

Cultural sensitivity= men not stomping on other mens’ ways of controlling women in order to cut down on violence…..between men.

WOmen & girls do not  possess  any cultures. I’m not entirely sure whether we’d ever create 1 or a dozen of them  – because they only divide us  & create false bonds with men sharing ours/

For instance: Language & literacy divide us far too much. Even with English being the lingua franca gobbling up world tongues like a python~>] there’re disappointingly few female minds I’ll ever reach by posting in here.

I could utilise my other 2 major European languages (Spanish & Rus) to broaden the readability to a few more mil. ( and i’ve been certainly considering it).,..

…but it still won’t reach vast no’s of clever, but illiterate girls worldwide; or speaking non-European tongues .

This leads to me to bemoan the absolute travesty ~`~that is the English language. Let’s 1st consider its’ most hideous offence:

Man = Human….

Out of the 4 that I learnt – only the Anglo one  felt like WORK to study.   It felt dead,  unelastic, spelt with a stupidity beyond belief. In other words: It is the perfect MAN’s language. There is no joy or hope in it. Lovely, lovely [beloved by women] doggies ”re called a ‘man’s friend’!

The proverbs are all   about men, men,..It is female -exclusionary (ha! a radfem can utilise such a fun-fem word!..) & thought-limiting.

In fact – it’s downright depressing.  And I mean this literally – – -Because a language forms neuro-pathways in your head -= this is why speaking multiples staves off senility.

And this is a scary thought for me: that all mono-lingual Anglo-phone female heads lack all those extra pathways which stimulate my own radical thinking. Kudos to the radfems who manage to overcome that – but it must be WORK.

Not saying that any existing language is female-friendly, but English feels like a withered stump that should be put out of it’s misery.

. There’s solid historic reason for it ending up this way: the raving mad British dominion > followed by the raving mad American dominion. The more powerful an empire gets ^ the more male a tongue becomes.

Soviets made attempts @ ravaging Russian by introducing a whole heap of abbreviations —but they simply didn’t have the time to destroy it the way English’s been drained of any sign of life. In fact : every time I make a sentence in it>

I feel like I’m performing CPR. Hence all the weird punctuation  & cute photos .

In short

English is the chosen language of end times (* see “It never happens any other way”)

and it’s super-appropriate

English lacks a polite ‘you’> which makes the formation of requests in it : an exercise in scraping & bowing – to compensate for the ‘you’ rudeness. every time I do it: a piece of dignity dies.

I’m fed up to the gills of it. I propose bringing back the old-fashioned phrase:”Why don’t u?” AS in: “Bring me that lamp, why don’t u?”


Normie womyn are paying for our sins

The sin in question?

Not being male support & reproductive systems .

There’re 66 mil. more men than women in the world. Because they’ve been murdering us aplenty.

& every man is entitled to at least 1 female.

That makes each one of us a frighteningly precious resource for them to scramble over. This scramble is one rooted in their very survival as they’re inherent biological parasites living off our X chromosomes.

So when the lucky elite comprising of lesbians; hetero-non-compliants (aka Spinsters); non-mothers of boys & PIV escapees,  experience pride @ our situation—–

we should remind ourselves that the bulk of those other male -tethered & producing females                                                   are paying for it.

Right now there is 1 + trafficked girls out there servicing a mans’ dick for each 1 of us & mothers writhing in the unearthly torture of childbirth (for which man’s language has no name) & worshipping a male god who hates them

because WE SAID NO & had the opportunity to choose

It’s sobering maths. Because when a critical mass of us says NO>~all hell breaks loose, (witchhunts; all womens’ communities in history coming to a violent or other male-tactical end; end of communist benefits facilitating female singledom)

^This is why the adage applies

NO woman is free until ALL women are free

This isn’t a feel-good sisterhood chant. It’s mathematics