****Note on language :
- I use colourful terms to replace Mother &Child often as a thought-experiment =to distance from emotive coding we’re used to.This is not done to appease the T-crowd,or out of misogyny
i was inspired by this https://sinbigger.wordpress.com/?s=mother
^ ^particularly 18 min.mark`onward
as far as i’m aware,no other animal practises the cradle-to-the-grave model of pro-creation for females+young. there’re species where family groups stay together,and bonobo mums care about the mating chance of their grown sons,but that doesn’t come close to the crazy-making hot-house that is the real death do us apart we recognise bio-mothering to be. even among mammals,there’s a species of seal who abandon pups after a mere 4 days of suckling. They’re certainly no animals who routinely support runts or non-viable offspring. There’re also cases of ‘adoption’,where a female ‘ll suckle or play Mummy to another uninterested or unavailable female’s young
Heard of Mama bears? well, even they won’t put their own life in danger excessivey~ if keeping cubs alive tips too much toward the Mama’s own survival>too bad for the cubs.
So let’s look @ the components of our human model of Mama-as-institution.Seeing as i subscribe to the very bleak +truthful observations made by CRE in her 3 posts on radfem anti-natalism,
ask yourselves:”How did we get to this level of misery?”
Let’s exclude the malestream aspects of it:financial dependency,compulsory PIV,mother as villainess/heroine etc. Boil it down to the caramelised base,which even the most learned feminists normally do not.
We’re thus left with :
Component 1 “The Druggin’
The chemical tie,interpreted by everyone and anyone as Love&used to uphold the primordial right +eternal responsibility of the woman who produced the child in her body to trump all else, incl. the daughters’ well-being
sometime it’s taken as far as hormones before conception ,making the woman wish for a child
see, such a chemical concoction exists in our bodies to prevent us from doing the logical thing to a tumour-like fetus-come-baby,who’s the product of some oppressor huffing &puffing above us for a blink of an eye> who made us ungodly-ill for 9 month>then tore out of us in a process that comprises the worst that a central nervous system can inflict on us>left permanent damage>hurt even more to suckle>deprived us of sleep on a level which inflames your brain. and this is just infancy we’re talking about…
that logical thing being abandonment,or throwing the creature away as tiger-kibble,or strangling it in rage.
if not for this magical hormonal infusion>no infant’d survive a day,i reckon.because there’s just nothing in it for the mammalian female to drag it around, feed it,teach it skill-without help or reward.Birds at least get solid help from fathers.
And so we get the famed mother-child bond, considered sacred.sadly,concurrent with the sloppy and ‘only good-enough’ nature of evolution,this chemical rush isn’t magical enough.:It doesn’t wipe out all the memory of the woman’s independent life, the harm of the reproductive process, the resentment, the yearning for freedom.It doesn’t smooth over personality clash {“I love my progeny, but don’t LIKE them},the oppression of sole burdened position (which can only be described as prison without parole)
ITs’ effect does bugger all beyond the young being kept alive until they can fend for themselves, or be taken on by someone else before being pulverised by the MAma Bear’s mighty paw
I experienced monmentary rushes of this kind 2X: with a human child(my sis)+a puppy. Needlessless to say: i did not give birth to either of those creatures,so this isn’t even a MOther-only phenomenon. It’s the magic of Oxytocin
Component 2: POWER
This one’s a BIGGIE. And no-it’s not privilege
For birthing&raising women hold the greatest power of them all:
the ability to shape and totally annihilate the daughters’ soul, if they so wish. the reason i’m not addressing sons here is that it’s part of the patriarchal obvious elements I laid aside at the outset.
nobody is capable of hurting us or building us up the way our Mothers’re able, we all know what happens with power……it corrupts. and the sort of total power that’s given to the generally birth mothers,predictably corrupts absolutely. Esp.when it’s the only power a woman ever smells in her lifetime or genetic memory,and when girls ‘re cut off from every other type of female carer and told the adage of unconditional love of their birther/raiser.so if she doesn’t earn it>it must be the daughter’s own fault.This is what we’re stuck thinking until we grow up with a bucketload of misery&then happen to chat to other daughters…..who’ve*by and large*experienced the same pit of despair and wallowed in it alone.
IN countries,where mother’s custody reigns supreme>>>this also results in legal influence.no matter which caring arrangement the girl was under before,-the mother can separate her from (typically a grandma) or less often a nominally interested Papa
Component 3″Ability +inclination
I’m pro-doing away with the loaded,over-emotional +rewarding\imprisoning term of MOTHER. To me >this equates to simply A woman, who used her eggs successfully to grow a human being. As insanely tough as this process is:it doesn’t bestow any of the multitude of skills&personality traits required for raising girls
_Some of these egg-successful females ‘re good @ baby-shushing;
_others with reading’teaching
_others good @ understanding introvert kids (only other introverts….always)
Funnily enough-nobody is ever any good @ breast-feeding..to the point where the job was outsourced by mums ,who could afford it until not-so long ago.We’re a mammal species!*&^#! Figure that one out……..
overall,i’ve never met a single child-having woman,who fell out of the sky with a Mary Poppins umbrella in tow—— with all of the loooooong list of job requirements for raising a kid to fit into the nutty construct of our reality AND be kind to her in the process.
Component no.4 “Resentment
This one’s relevant in the parts of the world,where males’re devious & promise girls the world [while they’re growing up|;but snatch away the dreams away soon as an offspring departs her loins.SO it’s not a grand surprise that this tactic provides fertile ground for PND,while the rate is lower in geographical pits of patriarchal despair where girls’re never exposed to anything but the wifey-mummy model of slavery to look forward to.
PND (or the hushed by the dude-narrative ingredients for it) passes,but the lifelong resentment remains.Some Mas spell it out without sugar-coating , others express with action. A larger -than -life model of this exists in visual fiction often. Off the top of my head: Black Swan,End of the F***ing world have the really negative characterisation. Gilmore Girls swings to extreme opposite end of the spectrum. Jane the Virgin,Insatiable do a middle-of-road approach.
Component no.5 “Y-imprinting
TYP has inferred that the ever-devilish Y chromosome imparts maternal behaviour into the dude-baby-carrier > so that the Y-progeny has a slavish carer after birth -seeing as a we’re a terribly slow-maturing kind +the dudes themselves sure aren’t gonna look after their spawn! Pfft !!
This is illuminating when you see how mums behave with sons vs daughters,because while both bring on a flood of aforementioned Oxytocin cocktail—it’s SO painfully obv.to anyone who’s ever walked this earth///
///that girls shafted in that hormonal dosage. Sure, – ~Dudocracy & all, >so social program plays a role.//and Yet: Like all things misogyny– a bio-component is not implausible. My own parent has lamented for her late-miscarried ,unwanted boy-fetus,~all the while treating her living daughters as lower life forms than her multitude of green progeny (Roses for the most part)&bemoaning being tied for life&how much she never desired to reproduce (her own Mama practiced blatant son-pref. with her brother,this scarred her for life-thus she should know better! !!)
THis applies extra hard -when you see the stark contrast in which chronically ill daughters VS sons’re treated. CRE’s written about this with bitter,graceful eloquence in regard to her mother.Mine ran off to water her luxurious garden,while not giving me hydration in the middle of a record-breaking heat wave which caused bats+horses to drop.,.,
Now look @ what mums of chronically ill sons consider to belong on the Maslow pyramid….freaking ludicrous. & neither of them dumps care of the precious male fruit-of-her-loins. i don’t believe that the hand-job mum is a pervert>>just an example of the over-empathetic Y-bubble-wrapping tool
Mum fears disabled son, 17, could ‘accidentally kill her during violent tantrum’
Component no. 6 “Motherhood as career OR Mummy Woo
The most showy exhibit of this approach is the Stage Mum.
It shows up in milder, insidious format whenever a woman decides to throw her dreams away with such abandon} That her child/ren become the new&improved mode of life fulfillment+social affirmation.I often ponder whether this is the hidden dragon behind crouching Tiger,Tatar ,Jewish mums,and Mummy bloggers
^I’m not going on stereotype here. It’s absolutely verifiable that the broad trend of dazzling East\Asian success across several euro-majority 1st World countries exists&that parental pressure looms large.IN USA that’s the top earning & highest performing ethnic cohort across the board of social success.They out-earn black citizens by a factor of 3. i lack statistic for Aus,but it’s palpable here as well. I mentioned Tatars as they’re an equivalent group in Russia (in fact – even more impressive,as they take on high-risk professions eg. art, sport, business}, not the safe-ish guarantors like Dr, dentist,scientist.
Sonia JOhnson mentioned a life-altering moment in her ’82 Youtube speech : …when she stopped giving staking the meaning of her existence on her mostly-male children.
The other format comes in Mummy Woo-proponents:that is ,_women who find something magical in gestation, birthing,&bonding, & the Mother Purpose.
^I don’t dismiss such womens’ experience.We all find Woo in something. It takes an uncompromised child-free,blunt cynic like me & fewothers like me ~_~ to pinpoint the reality of this to be no dif. to any other meaningful {to that individual}activity ,or drug-altered state.This happens to actors in That 1 Great Scene, musicians on that high note; linguists when they master that tough verb in a new tongue, writers finishing off their masterpiece novel, climber on top of mountain etc.etc.
Drum roll!!!!!
Well, now,experiment participants.Take all your ingredients ~boil them together in a pot .What does the stew smell of? !
…esp. the combustible combo of Power Corruption+Resentment+unshakable chemical romance of unwanted oxytocin+all of the flashback to soul&body-tearing process of human-baby production+daughter powerlessness&naive belief (or maybe genetic memory of far-away time when we females WERE connected)
So how on earth can many of our mothers NOT want us dead, pray tell me?! ?and the rest immersed in some other logically occuring fuck-wittery, <induced by a concoction of these ingredients
But maybe that’s not the only way.
Imagine if women didn’t have any singular attachment to kids stemming from birthing or adopting them. No memory of pain,or oppression, or crushed dreams.No 1-2 girls to take it out on. Nobody to break.No prized male child to build up &bubble wrap.NO BURDEN.No dumb luck for a daughter to end up with a slightly more apt mummy.No ownership ~thus power abuse of the girl
In Sin Bigger’s model>I can see a place for kid-averse like myself. We could stay away from the lil’buggers 😉 &still contribute by designing toys, or writing books, sewing clothes .or maybe parent the animals
How’s this for a mother-free utopia?! …..?Sounds pretty sweet to me
I can’t imagine having any part in actually raising a child but I’m trying to write some kids books and make other educational activities. I like kids and feel really sorry for them too having to grow up in this hell on Earth they’ve been brought into. I think of all kids as part my responsibility too for the next generations that come after me. It seems strange to me why women who have kids don’t all try to become activists or more involved in some way in shaping a better future. It seems like that should be the ultimate wake up call. I totally get that most women are too worn out do anything beyond was has to be done immediately, but even when they’re not they just all mostly accept that their child will grow up in all this and that’s fine even as it gets worse and worse.
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I have plenty of nurturin’ instinct ,,but it only ever applies to baby animals. I’m fascinated by girls on occasion:their expressions’re smart @a young age &their behaviour is genuinely social -as opposed to the dominance model
funnily enough:’i’m not that taken with baby apes either….
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All of this dysfunction could be avoided if males didn’t own and control us.
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Or make us sick from a polluted and dysfunctional society.
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Males are polluted and dysfunctional. And violent.
Most of us live in a state of constant fear, we are in a war zone, 24/7. We make decisions (or don’t make them) out of fear. That’s the position that we are in, ALL OF US.
For one example, I have had women speak to me about opting out of PIV and they say that they literally cannot opt out, that their husband would rape them. If they can’t leave, and a lot of them can’t, there’s no way to help them. I understand that when they tell me this, that they are admitting that they live with a rapist. But they can’t see it.
Males have infected us with their violent dysfunction. We can’t fight what we can’t see and the truth of our existence is just too fucking terrifying to handle, especially since most of us can’t even save ourselves, much less try to help each other. Males will never allow us escape or peace, the best we can do is just grab moments of it here and there.
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u said something beautiful: That our soul is hiding under our bio-suffering. I feel exactly like this!!!!!Euphoria comes thru in fine moments:
when the right music, or the right piece of art, or a connection to someone, or riding with windows down into the sunset etc.
^^that’s your soul talking to u, I reckon
Thanks for putting into words, soul-sis.HUg
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That’s precisely what makes my such an optimistic survivalist, no matter how terrible my life’s been & continuing to be
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there’s always a new day, or new hour& in that moment it’s like the slate is wiped clean & I feel GOOD
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i can’t manage to stay depressed for long
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Yes exactly! There is something beautiful inside us that is as real as this suffering all around us and there are perfect moments when it all shines though so clearly, how we are spirit connected to everything. I can’t unsee the beauty in it all just like I can’t unsee the ugliness all around. We are more than just this physical body. Whatever that really means, I feel it to be true.
Hugs to you too soul sister 💙
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it’s a feminist truism that:
kids shouldn’t be private property of men.
So the logical next step is:
why should they be property @ all? ?!
The current unquestioned tenet of `mother-worship as compensation’ is a Woman wanting a child AS HERS ONLY TO KEEP FOREVER.<but made real ><cos men hold the reins to create whatever they like
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A child is never the ‘property’ of a woman. It is always the property of the patriarchy. The sperminator, or the state (or one of its sub-authorities, eg the church)
The only enduring connection between the mother and the child conceived/gestated/birthed the child.
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do you believe this connection to be a positive one?it’s a lasso around the Ma’s neck.
women bond to life sometimes to the detriment of themselves AND the life.
compensatory feminism reacts to children being mens’ property by advocating for them being the birth mum’s property. it doesn’t spin beyond being the property concept
i cant crack why my grams adored me (while being my primary care-taker| &trampled all over her daughter. I’m still a girl.is it cos she has no traumatic memory of all the ‘fun’ of bio-motherhood connected to me? same with my mum:her grams was kind to her
^^this is another reason why Shulie’s auto-pregnancy isn’t a mad idea to me.We as a class are imprisoned by PIV< babies're the ennobling woo legitimising it.So it's not a huge leap for a lady to look @ her own PIV products and not see them as manifestation of oppression and terrible pain
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I think there’s a fair amount of Stockholm syndrome involved in the socially-constructed ‘love’ of the mother for her child. It’s a captivity situation.
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Especially problematic is “unconditional love”.
Women are expected to love everyone, no matter how abusive or shitty they are. Unconditional love is patriarchal speak for “she will love me no matter how badly I treat her, even if I hate her”.
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yet for daughters it’s the other way: NO matter how hard you try-you’ll never earn the Son Badge of slavish affection
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..even when the son was never born//!
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Yes. And it’s the same with respect.
Women are told that we have to “earn” respect, while peen possessors are automatically to be respected.
Males are recipients of love and respect by virtue of demanding it and punishing us if we don’t “freely” give it to them. We are the opposite, males do not love or respect us, and they claim that we can earn it, we just haven’t cracked the magic brocode.
Fuck them. Don’t care if they love me, like me, hate me, whatever.
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I went ‘pfft’ mentally when Ma told me she loved me cos i’m her child…just before kicking me out & doing her damnest to passively let me die.
The “cos i’m her child’ really undermines the whole thing. I never asked to be loved- -just treated decently i return for my lifelong work to support her.LIke, stipulate the child part?
Cos it indicates obligation. Being cared for via coersion is not pleasant.This is what men claim love to be -cos they don’t care as long as they get to parasite
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+Sunk Cost.”I detest the creature, but i’ll be damned if if i don’t keep it alive after going thru ALL THAT to give it life”
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….and the bugger better be grateful, or else..
See,this ^ doesn’t make Mums stupid or evil.It indicates that they’re fallible humans,acting upon predictable human psyche pattern under certain circumstance
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There was a situation where a beloved old dog was close to death &my mum offered to smother it.I couldn’t handle it and had her wait till morning for the vet needle.
My bond to the doggo made me act irrationally and to its’ detriment. The poor thing suffered for a whole night.
How much stronger would I have felt if I created that being, ha?
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Yes!! this what i was getting @!
it’s as much a construct as Sex.
there’s a lot of messed up psychology going on among the concern for mummies.
look @ how much distress +virtue-signalling goes on about kids being taken away +sterilisation,,,but none corresponding for the life -long imprisonment via construct +Stockholm.
for instance, why is it anathema to consider that a teen girl ‘d rather give the baby away & go on with her life like it never happened?.p’haps she didn’t abort cos she couldn’t for legal or social/religious/economic constraint.. The more you tout “baby is your prize”&”bio-motherhood is sacred”~the more you lead on women+girls ,who’ve had gestation inflicted on them.
SIn was right on this>it’s entrapment
There’re ethnic+post colonial moralist traps with this too.1 is the Oppressed Minority imperative to breed& the other is compulsory mother attachment within those. A unenthused birthed woman *belonging to those tribes* becomes Enemy of Her People, or just erased altogether
If women were considered individual people with inalienable respected wishes~^this stuff wouldn’t matter.they wouldn’t be condemned to a lifelong prison created out of their genitalia.Indigenous females are no more woo-ey about reproduction-no matter what their social beliefs say
AM i making sense here ..?
What looks like mother -sympathy ðnic concern =more goof ol’ “women aren’t individuals” .If females of whichever minority tribe collectively say: “No more babies for us”; or “We wanna foster them out &spend our lives doing claymation” -THEN SO. BE . IT
I dunno why it’s so hard even for hardened feminists to see women +girls as Complex Persons
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And sorry, I mis-typed my previous reply: it should read,
“The only enduring connection between the mother and the child <em) is that she is the unique person who conceived/gestated/birthed the child.”
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it’s telling that the connection -via-chemical flows 1 way. babies aren’t allergic to other womens’ breast-milk.
‘they don’t reject good care from anyone other than bio-mum.Hell, they don’t even know when they’re adopted.
i was breast-fed for 2+years …and only regarded Ma – as this other lady who hung around,while my Grams was the actual mother figure.
..~cos there’s no evo-purpose to a 2-way bond. ‘the female>to young ‘ only exists to keep the bubs alive until they stand on their own paws _+catch their grub .it’s not designed for the female’s satisfaction
there may be a dopamine rush in tending to sons -as part of Y-bubble wrapping.
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The fact that mothers can still unconditionally love their rapist sons boggles my mind.
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which is why i suspect that there is something dodgy going on physiologically. Like an actual dopamine reward system for carrying on the Y for the host.Y-chromosomal remnants stay in the woman’s head after boy-production
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We’re getting somewhere here. -_-
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https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/09/06/child-raised-by-many-mothers-what-we-can-learn-how-other-cultures-raise-their-children/?fbclid=IwAR2uzeY7o-1mFGI5VmldsReJuWKakeFv8fx7J15GzgGk9GBAiU0G3QnkW-c&noredirect=on
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TYP said that men exist ….to create a better woman.
What if that’s what hetero-feels’re rooted in?The genetic match our egg tells the bulk of us to hunt for? That All men ‘re to us “is to create a super-daughter,or a vessel for some other woman’s?..
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