what is love? baby, don’t hurt me..no more

 

this song goes to the heart of something I must tackle

 

…the concept of LOVE

We all already know about the prevalence of that famous Swedish city behind the syndrome, but I feel that there is more to discuss

 

Namely – a woman’s subjective feeling of being loved, or loving a man. there seems to be a bit of a shut-down, sometimes, the moment the L-word is trotted out.

I truly & deeply subscribe to the notion that a male simply will not offer anything beyond Transactional Affection. The clever ones will behave benevolently , if they so choose – as they see dividends in the total adoration & offering up of body+soul that flows back from a woman/girl in response ( but only if they remain on top in all material +organizational sense). I personally feel overwhelmed whenever a man does something, anything  of normal human value ( in decency +emotion). Super basic things – like kiss a puppy, or a chiropractor treating a patient in an attuned, gentle manner… but only when he does it to somebody else. It always feels realistic when done to me – on the ‘2 in  a lifetime’ occasions this has occurred (not sure if it even adds up to that!)

When you’re used to seeing your sadistic guards outside , while you’re pacing your cage – you ‘re stunned when 1’ll extend a flower thru the cage.  i wish it was only stunned , in fact. For all those normal-emotive XXers out there & not the restrained, cynical types (which I am ) – this develops into something much, much worse

Which is why I  must  lay out my own, personal definition of Love. it was inspired by watching a young woman +her sheepdog enjoy each other outside of my window. They ran thru those fancy exercises, where the doggie does Figure-8s thru the mistress’ legs, caught a frisbee// …but then the dog just leapt into the lady’s arms spontaneously & they spent a few moments loving up on each other.  My heart melted

 

Now…, i  know full -well that domestic canines ‘re imprisoned creatures, who traded their wolf-freedom for hopefully a longer life +steadier food with humans/ In fact, i’m starting to think that it’s possibly women  who domesticated them – as in they chose to follow us to camp -sensing that WE’d be fair to them in return for their loyalty+work. it all went TERRIBLY wrong once our the parasites of our species cut in on the deal/ of course, it did! what don’t they fucking ruin?!

But still – it registers to me as a form of acceptable love, under the circumstances. It flows back & forth on the same channel. Dogs’re programmed to look up to the pack leader & were before we became a team, but they also aren’t stupid – they can sense human emotions better than we can sometimes

& women’re programmed to bond with anything  – even inanimate objects.  Because we’re awesome that way + we know how to vibe along with life with life, without clobbering it into submission

 

So here it goes:

 

love is patient. love is  kind. & all that Bible business

but what is NOT

is subjective, or coercively obtained

How how in Dead Sea Hippie’s name!? do I wrangle this concept down into words?>?

Well, to me it is simply a form of strong mutual bonding, of equal value, built-up over time , via a series of binding experiences.  & it is not something that can be erased retrospectively. But here’s the Horcrux of it

it must rest on a feeling of safety

 

Seeing as absolutely ALL male transactional affection is inherently unsafe & women must be lulled into a false feeling of it >this leads me to the following resolution

:

For as long as I live, I will never , ever, refer to the bonding of males -to-females as LOVE

for this is (not only!) a travesty, (which leads to much betrayal trauma) ; but an inaccuracy which a pedant, like myself – shan’t accept

Just like a woman’s rose-coloured perception of rape doesn’t render it mute as being rape – her perception of love cannot be held subjectively valid in this regard. I cant’ stress the subjective part enough, in fact . for all the believer that I am [in grey areas]- this one MUST be Black +White like a chessboard

 

Now, back to the mundane

That song is evocative to me : In the year of yonder, *1996*, my mama undertook some aerobics classes to it – to get into shape – for the booty-sale pics – that’d get us here/  highly educational stuff  on the reality of the world  to a super-smart girl & her super-educated mummy

 

 

the best BAD book ever written

That’d be the 70s phenomenon ‘The Thornbirds’

 

I initially read it in a Russian translation, which must’ve smoothed over the badness – cos I didn’t figure out what on earth Germaine Greer meant by the titular quote

 

After   looking into the original i, indeed, found the the writing flowery&/questioning why on Earth this super hottie doesn’t;t ditch the robe& Run off to Tinseltown.

but the gruesome female realities stayed with me./  I read this @16 (while being a far more clued lassie than i;d have preferred ) it was still unflinchingly graphic in its; description of Maggie being marital-raped 3(!)times in/a row on her wedding night< leaving/ her in so much pain/that she cannot move &must share the bed with her internal batterer. It later goes into why  it hurts this much : <the spouse uses 30s condoms . When she later tricks him into baby making <<the ordeal goes down easier.

Bizarro graphic element was the……….tit-f*cking..which the husband  Contends with out of his kind heart(lol) to spare her more intercourse  horror. Weirdly, in the TV version -they pushed his homosocial nature  far enough  to almost seem closeted .

Colleen was a strange wench with a strange writing style .It was both incredibly good &Incredibly awful simultaneously. Her talent lay in creating such a vivid fiery atmosphere ,that the soap opera somehow managed to transcend itself. There;s no other author like her .

 

The reason she belongs on my man-hating blog : is the lady herself +the reason for her choosing this plot. She was rather a character:

A Cambridge neuroscientist in 60s ::she found herself not being paid the family wage the men were -even after Equal PAy came in. she turned to writing to supplement her life as a single female. She chose romance as in inroad allocated to lady authors ,^she chose this story as it reflects her own family history  . THere really was a priest,who poached the wealth which shoulda belonged to the family, from a rich old lady.  Sexually Ignorant Maggie- was her mother. Dane was her brother. She wrote herself in _as the rebellious Justine. The Maori connection was also there:   Colleen is 1/4 Maori

@the heart of it all SHE WISHED TO EXPLORE THE CHARACTER OF A SACRIFICIAL WOMAN ( as she was nothing like that herself). 

The miniseries sported an epic fail of a miscast for the Priest. Nowhere near hot enough+ too old+ a softie. + acting range running the gamut from X to Z . . .Book Ralph was a haughty, *knows he’s hot to trot* type of meanie with a cold, ambitious drive, who GETS TO HAVE IT ALL IN THE END. > While the actor looks like he hugs Teddy bears in bed..  &Boy did they flub those nude, semi_nude scenes……….not least of all cause Richie Chamberlain shoulda been sent off for a 40 y.o.Virgin – style depilation!~Meggie expressly finds in the book – that she was revolted by Luke’s body hair &turned on by Ralph’s smoothness. Sporting the pellet of a dead ferret on his chest DOES NOT an EPIC HOTTIE make .~! & how does Meggie not cough  up hairballs |gross|

In the book he’s character inconsistent:
Wherein Ralph + Meggie proceed to boink each others’brains out for a week. in near total solitude
You’d think that the same guy, who was worldy enough to
A)contemplate the ins & outs of ways in which a priest could sex discreetly
B)educate Meggie about menARCHE
c)scheme, flirt `then drop his pants in front of the rich lady
d)not be dumb enough to get caught in the midst on hanky-panky, young
E)not put-out for the rich lady, keeping her nice&hungry

……be bright enough to work @not knocking his beloved, errr–groomed object of desire up…after she came this close to dying in childbirth a mere 4 months prior…@which event his Eminence was PRESENT + biting his nails. I mean, Meggie’s thick-as-a-rock spouse [who was ignorant of intercourse anguish not being limited to 1 time] had enough mental presence to use ‘French letters’ (1st time i heard that euphemism of a century)

girl in yellow dress covering her face with her hands
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

But alas!
Afterwards, Ralph – the-newly-minted-deflowered-dumbass enters a massive stage of denial , lasting 2+decades, & is all like:
“what, what? the stork brought me a baby-boy}~? How could such a thing occur???”

& middle-aged Meggie’s like:
“well, remember that remember that bareback bumping +grinding In the loveshack on Matlock Island? ” ~`~~paraphrasing again, but it IS sorta written across Rachel Ward’s face….

   £

The miniseries does have 1 of many major upsides over the book.
1) Maggie is SPUNKY. She’s forceful in her tirades. My fave is:
“Yeah, yeah, you love me. And God more than me. And yourself you love most of all, you stupid, *hard-t0 get* prick!!.
And speaking of pricks,/,why won;t you gimme yours!? you bloody vagina-tease, you”
^paraphrasing a little :-]}D
2)Casting, for the most part , is spot on . Barbara Stanwyck didn’t just kill that role/./.she buried it 6 under feet under, with a golden shovel
3)it looks & feels beautiful & filmic
4)Loooooove Justine,+ Ralph’s friend+boss
However, it does gloss over the aforementioned female-truth realities.
You see, those truth-bombs’re the reason for this post.
Coleen came across as an unlabelled-Radfem. She was crass, brash, relied on her brains to get herself places instead of her privates [as a woman ought to] , forewent pro-creating , didn’t marry until she was 42 & set for life . Knew the reality of being a large gal &mother-bullying stemming from that , alloting her station in life & death (they mentioned it IN HER EULOGY *facepalm* ) [i’m a believer in all obesity being inflammation due to contaminted food sources
Hilariously (&tragically) she kicked the lucky guy out on her deathbed! Cause he had a mistress!! LOl
She also wrote a scathing, honest, irrevent radfem-style of an autobiography..in which she revealed her mother tracking to get an illegal & badly botched abortion..which led to (likely) a hysterectomy or some such, limiting her offspring to 2, closely spaced babies, who were pro-totypes for Dane +Justine
Peppered all thru Thornbirds’re child & adult woman-daily-horrors. It’s a reel, starting from Fee not loving Meggie for being a girl (but not for the usual reason ). _It’s because she only sees her growing up to face the same bone-grinding oppression.
..to Fee not hating bang-bang-squirting “Paddie was gentle”, but glad to avoid when he fell asleep _ to avoid yet more children ( she ends up having 9+several miscarriages).(for which she counts herself lucky!). If not for the 1st 2 years  during which Paddie considered himself lowly for her noble status – to place his paws on her – that no.”d rise
…to Frank being mad-as-Hell @stepdaddy for impregnating Mummy for a 7th baby
+ many others. like Fee’s chronic exhaustion -due to her 6 sons not lifting a finger at home, with only the 4 y.o. Meggie to rely on. this + her depression + eventually, alienation from Meggie ,goes away when she ascends back up in the world. At which point she gleefully ditches all housework & even feigning interest in the new, last of the brood, twins/.
All the while, Male prairie violence hangs over Fee+Meggie slaving away @home. {they either keep a rifle, or maybe 1 son around?or both}
Ralph finds it so very easy to tether Meggie from 10 y.o. to his sorry self  – as she’s desperately unloved by everyone but Frank, who leaves home early, + overworked. He convinces the family to raise her like a Lady >sending her to school & taking riding lessons. <MARY v. astutely terms this a form of hands-off pedophile grooming ( aka emotional molestation.
#maggie is a horny being, not limiting her fixation on Ralphie-boy to poems +flowers. She primarily wishes to TAP THAT THING real Bad:__) Once she does that >her hetherto relentless drive switches off for good. WHich aligns my theory on female hetero- – being nothing but a case of sniffing out the right Baby Daddy/ After she pregnates with Ralphie’s spawn – her reaction to the only session of humpy shennanigan they ever conduct, doesn’t travel beyond ‘women can go without for  a long time – but hey! nice when it happens’. *Luke manipulates her into marriage by dragging out the foreplay
∏all such nitty-gritty detailing grounds the saga & turns it into the same “melodrama becomes art” type of fiction – as  Young Philadelphians

 

 

Follow the rootin’

You know how they say: “Follow the money”?
 
A few years ago, i took an interest in the idolised marriage of Joanne Woodward + her hubby Paul. It was easy to get engrossed :it lasted 50 years till death did him apart. He looked like a dream, but she was the better actress + more interesting person. He fell for her very hard & stayed fallen till the end of (his ) time. He was evidently more into her than vice-versa
 
But something bothered me. Precisely a total of 7 somethings. (the myriad of offspring), really  close together/: He had 3 w. the 1st spouse, then moved onto copious breeding with Joanne….like a bull @ gate. They didn’t make it past the 1st year together without a miraculous combo of swimmers +eggs imbedding themselves in the bride’s belly ( she looked swollen in the wedding pic, poor lass). That fetus didn’t stay put however. it ejected itself  (likely due to stress induced by both of them posed to lose budding careers /if the previous Mrs. Newman didn’t sign the divorce papers in time for it showing itself in public )
 
Yet 4 months later another took its’ place….and another a year later. a total of 3 in 2.5 years !~! they finally put the breaks on for a little while – until having another a few annums later. The cool thing was that they were all girls
 
Here’s the uncool thing: 
JOANNE  was a remarkable actress with a remarkable figure right before this cow-schedule took place. She lost both the career + the curves down the gurgler. 
 
paul, on the other had, continued up&up. He replaced Brando as the Method IT boy & acquired himself a saintly rep. + a classic catalogue of work . At a certain point , he clearly felt ashamed of himself -started directing for the sake of giving her meaningful Starring work. he also must’ve got his tubes tied at long last – (which was standard for male movie stars then)
 
there’s a pic of him staring at her like she shines divine light & his daughters reported that his kind of Love for her* set an impossible standard for them in their love lives
 
Now ,post-enlightenment, their story clicks for me. You see, the gal was a bit of Libber/ had enough wits about her to snatch the chance  come her way. She’d already had an abortion (those were poorly performed hush-hush in Hollywoo in those times)/  + her face +acting style were unusual . Her soaring career had no guarantee of lasting & she’d have to engage in a lot of Me-Too-ing  in order to keep it ,in any amount of time. Which could mean spreading for fugly, mean execs + risking more terminations. 
& then this infatuated Golden Boy   drops onto her lap .Awfully pretty, straight as an arrow, un-Hollywood in his lifestyle& with a very rich future unfolding. ..but with a dreadful habit of serial knocking up. <this is precisely where his grand loving falls apart for me>  
 
newman woodward
Joanne is still alive & in the possession of a cool $50 mil. she spent her life with the Golden Knocker-upper among pleasant, sorta rural surrounding…with the bastard gone much of the time. The bloke was a workaholic, shooting movies +building spectacularly successful business
She got to engage in whatever she pleased & found time for  ( on top of raising their & *on holidays* his other brood). As an aside – they made some   gorgeous daughters
Part of that off-time went to feminist-y activity.
It’s clear as day to me , that this was her Faustian bargain. It was the best form of lifelong prostitution, but it’s sobering to think that the cost of it in those 1st 2.5 years was unendurable. It was a medieval schedule of pro-creation, causing goodness -knows which health damage later on. <this here registers as Grande AMore in this world of poling-in-holing
But alas – Joanne was fortunate to have lived in this day +age. For in times past the Grande Amore  might’ve had no chance to unfoldSlave singer: Praskovia Kovalyova, 'The Pearl'
 

This lady above was  a serf whose owner didn’t go the usual route of straight-up raping his property. Oh no! He was determined to make it all, like…..romantic & shit.

}he went to a whole lotta scandalous trouble in order to marry her.( thus her only route outa serfdom)

After turning the nobility on himself ( a bit like Henry VIII), he finally got to put the ring on her finger
SO you’d think that he’s actually wanna keep her breathing for sometime , correct?

Yeah. no such luck. He proceeded to instantly murder her via the creation of a Dood-baby, who inherited his super doper estate

The serf-owning Murderous Impregnator “never recovered from her death and died a few years later, leaving letters for his son explaining his love for Praskovia in the most poignant, emotional terms.”

 

Har! Har…

 

But, not all is doom& gloom   when you follow the rooting  to test whether the man’s love is true.

For I HAVE found 1 case where the rooter might’ve actually backed off – to stop risking the   rootee‘s   life – the case of Elizabeth II’s father. She only  has 1 sister. This is because both births were C-sections in 20s ( when they still had a scary level of mortality). It’s quite possible that the famously shy & personally invested in his wife  stuttering King, actually……………….never went there again. But who knows,eh? a girl can hold out hope